Lezbos

Pakost u kuhinji!
Sikću krompiri.
Sve je to Holivud, bez prozora,
Neon trepće kao užasna glavobolja
Stidljive papirnate trake namesto vrata -
Pozorišne zavese, udovičine lokne
A ja sam ti, draga, patološka lažljivica
A moje dete – vidi je, smetenu na podu,
Lutkica pokidanih konaca, do besvesti se rita -
Zasto je ona šizofrena,
Rumeno njeno i belo lišće, panika,
Bacila si njene mačiće kroz prozor
U nekakvu cementnu jamu
Gde pogane, bljuju i cvile a ona ne može to da sluša.
Kažeš ne podnosiš je,
Kopile je devojčica.
Ti kojoj su produvali jajovode kao pokvaren radio
Očišćen od glasova i istorije, statičke
Buke novog.
Kažeš trebalo bi da udavim mačiće. Njihov smrad!
Kažeš trebalo bi da udavim svoju devojčicu
Prerezaće sebi grlo u desetoj ako je luda u drugoj.
Beba se ceri, debeli puž
Na uglačanim rombovima oranž linoleuma.
Njega bi mogla da pojedeš. On je dečak.
Kažeš muž ti ne valja.
Njegova jevrejska mama čuva njegov slatki seks
poput bisera
Ti imaš jednu bebu, ja imam dve.
Trebalo bi da sedim na steni kraj Kornovola i kosu da
češljam.
Trebalo bi da tigraste gaćice nosim, avanturu bi
trebalo da imam.
Trebalo bi da se sretnemo u drugom životu, trebalo bi
da se sretnemo u zraku,
Ja i ti.
Dotle tu je smrad masti i bebina pogan.
Drogirana sam i tupa od poslednje pilule za spavanje.
Smog kuvanja, smog pakla
Preplavljuje naše glave, dve zlobne oprečnosti,
Naše kosti, našu kosu
Zovem te Siroče, siroče. Bolesna si.
Sunce ti daje čir, vetar ti daje TBC.
Nekad si lepa bila ti.
U Njujorku, u Holivudu, muški su govorili: “Svršila?
Uf, mala, strašna si”
Glumila si, glumila i glumila iz zadovoljstva.
Impotentni muž izlazi na kafu
Pokušavam da ga unutra zadržim
Stari gromobran,
Kisela kupatila, vedrine od tebe daleko.
Baca se niz plastično kaldrmisano brdo
Išibana trola. Varnice su plavičaste.
Bljuju plavičaste varnice,
Rasipajući se u milion čestica poput kvarca.
O dragulju! O, dragoceni!
Te noći je luna
Teglila svoju torbu, bolesna
Zver
Gore nad svetlima pristaništa
A onda je postala normalna
Tvrda, izdvojena i bela.
Sjaj ljušture na pesku na smrt me je preplašio
Nastavili smo da sakupljamo pregršti, ljubeći ga
Meseći ga, telo mulata,
Svileni pesak.
Pas je pokupio tvoje pseto od muža. On je otišao.

Sad sam tiha, u mržnji
Do grla,
Tupa, tupa.
Ne govorim
Pakujem tvrde krompire kao finu odeću
Pakujem bebe,
Pakujem bolesne mačke.
O, vazo kiseline,
Ljubav je to čime si ispunjena. Znaš ti koga mrziš.
Grli on svoju loptu i lanac dole kod vrata
Što se otvaraju ka moru
Gde ono nadire, belo i crno,
A onda kulja nazad.
Svakoga dana puniš ga duševnošću, kao krčag.
Tako si iscrpljena
Tvoj glas je moja naušnica
Što lepeće i siše, krvožedni šišmiš
To je to. To je to.
Viriš sa vrata,
Tužna veštičara: “Svaka je žena drolja.
Ne mogu da komuniciram.”

Gledam kako se tvoj dražesni décor
Zatvara nad tobom poput bebine pesnice
Ili sase, to more
Draga, taj kleptoman.
Još sam neiskusna.
Kažem: možda se i vratim.
Znaš ti čemu služe laži.

Čak ni na tvojim zen nebesima nećemo se sresti.


_______________



Viciousness in the kitchen!
The potatoes hiss.
It is all Hollywood, windowless,
The fluorescent light wincing on and off like a terrible migraine,
Coy paper strips for doors --
Stage curtains, a widow's frizz.
And I, love, am a pathological liar,
And my child -- look at her, face down on the floor,
Little unstrung puppet, kicking to disappear --
Why she is schizophrenic,
Her face is red and white, a panic,
You have stuck her kittens outside your window
In a sort of cement well
Where they crap and puke and cry and she can't hear.
You say you can't stand her,
The bastard's a girl.
You who have blown your tubes like a bad radio
Clear of voices and history, the staticky
Noise of the new.
You say I should drown the kittens. Their smell!
You say I should drown my girl.
She'll cut her throat at ten if she's mad at two.
The baby smiles, fat snail,
From the polished lozenges of orange linoleum.
You could eat him. He's a boy.
You say your husband is just no good to you.
His Jew-Mama guards his sweet sex like a pearl.
You have one baby, I have two.
I should sit on a rock off Cornwall and comb my hair.
I should wear tiger pants, I should have an affair.
We should meet in another life, we should meet in air,
Me and you.

Meanwhile there's a stink of fat and baby crap.
I'm doped and thick from my last sleeping pill.
The smog of cooking, the smog of hell
Floats our heads, two venemous opposites,
Our bones, our hair.
I call you Orphan, orphan. You are ill.
The sun gives you ulcers, the wind gives you T.B.
Once you were beautiful.
In New York, in Hollywood, the men said: 'Through?
Gee baby, you are rare.'
You acted, acted for the thrill.
The impotent husband slumps out for a coffee.
I try to keep him in,
An old pole for the lightning,
The acid baths, the skyfuls off of you.
He lumps it down the plastic cobbled hill,
Flogged trolley. The sparks are blue.
The blue sparks spill,
Splitting like quartz into a million bits.

O jewel! O valuable!
That night the moon
Dragged its blood bag, sick
Animal
Up over the harbor lights.
And then grew normal,
Hard and apart and white.
The scale-sheen on the sand scared me to death.
We kept picking up handfuls, loving it,
Working it like dough, a mulatto body,
The silk grits.
A dog picked up your doggy husband. He went on.

Now I am silent, hate
Up to my neck,
Thick, thick.
I do not speak.
I am packing the hard potatoes like good clothes,
I am packing the babies,
I am packing the sick cats.
O vase of acid,
It is love you are full of. You know who you hate.
He is hugging his ball and chain down by the gate
That opens to the sea
Where it drives in, white and black,
Then spews it back.
Every day you fill him with soul-stuff, like a pitcher.
You are so exhausted.
Your voice my ear-ring,
Flapping and sucking, blood-loving bat.
That is that. That is that.
You peer from the door,
Sad hag. 'Every woman's a whore.
I can't communicate.'

I see your cute décor
Close on you like the fist of a baby
Or an anemone, that sea
Sweetheart, that kleptomaniac.
I am still raw.
I say I may be back.
You know what lies are for.

Even in your Zen heaven we shan't meet.



Sylvia Plath, ''Lezbos'' / ''Lesbos''
18. oktobar 1962.

Pesma se odnosi na boravak Silvije Plat u Kornvolu sa decom i mačkom, kod jednog američkog para koji je stanovao s Hjuzovima (Silvija i Ted Hjuz) u Kort Grinu, Devon.     
                    

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